Do you think this young nominee is ready for these crazy gifts????
Alexis
Quvenzhané Wallis, a 9-year-old who starred in Beasts of the Southern Wild, is the youngest actress ever to receive a nomination for an Academy Award for Best Actress. That’s history in the making. Now, see what the academy threw into this youngster’s swag bag. By the way, the gift bag was $90,000!!!
A choice between two luxury trips to Australia, Land of the World’s Deadliest Snakes ($12,000). “Lizard Island” sounds like way more fun than a place called “El Questro Homestead,” so Quvenzhané Wallis will probably go there.
The Vampire Facelift ($5,000), a procedure that puts acid in your face to make you look younger. Quvenzhané Wallis won’t look a day over 8.
Heathrow by Invitation ($1,800), a private VIP service for dignitaries, heads of state, and “the world’s most discerning travellers,” like 9-year-old Quvenzhané Wallis.
Windex Touch-Up cleaner ($3.99), which offers Quvenzhané Wallis a fast and convenient solution to clean and sanitize the most frequently used surfaces in her home without missing a beat.
Hydroxycut Gummies and Hydroxycut Sprinkles ($50.00). All the weightloss of regular Hydroxycut in fun gummy and shaker-bottle styles for kids.
Naked Condoms (6 pack, $20.00). Shouldn’t Quvenzhané Wallis’ introduction to prophylactics be with “the finest condoms in the world”?
Bonita Platinum Tequila ($99.00). This premium tequila (manufactured by a company partially owned by Xzhibit) is distilled five times before bottling, making it smooth enough for even a 9-year-old’s sensitive palate.
Hickies ($19.99). Yes, in addition to condoms and tequila, Quvenzhané Wallis will also be receiving Hickies, “an elastic lacing system that allows you to turn any shoe into a slip on .”
Le Petit Cirque ($400.00). It’s not clear what exactly this gift consists of; its description says only “North America’s only all-kid pro Cirque troupe,” and its domain name expired on February 15, suggesting that, if nothing else, at least the website is run by children. $400 seems pretty cheap for a legion of humans, particularly if they are gifted acrobats, so the item is most likely a pack of tickets to a Petit Cirque show. Maybe Quvenzhané Wallis can go and make friends with a 10-year-old strongman.
SSSSSUUUUUGGGGAAAARRRR, in the form of Rouge Maple Gourmet Products ($120.00). Lots of syrup.
“A premium electronic cigarette with the look, feel and flavor of the real thing” by NJOY ($40.00).
Bracelets that double as hair ties by Duette ($80.00). Quvenzhané Wallis will probably be more excited by these (which are sparkly) than any other present.
Peep the entire swagbag list of contents here.
