Singer Fiona Apple was arrested last week for bringing weed into Texas…a thing many other celebs have learned the hard way in the past. The state has a no-nonsense rule for all things green, and will promptly take you to jail for it, whether you’re a Joe Schmo or a big name celebrity. Following her brief bid, Fiona made a long statement at her next show, blasting the cops that arrested her and promising to make them “f*cking famous.” Now HCSD Public Information Officer Rusty Fleming has responded to her rant, and he absolutely ripped her in the process. Check out his hilarious letter below.
First, Honey, I’m already more famous than you, I don’t need your help. However, it would appear that you need mine.
Two weeks ago nobody in the country cared about what you had to say, — now that you’ve been arrested it appears your entire career has been jump-started. Don’t worry Sweetie, I won’t bill you.
Next, have you ever heard of Snoop, Willie or Armand Hammer? Maybe if you would read something besides your own press releases, you would have known BEFORE you got here, that if you come to Texas with dope, the cops will take your DOPE away and put YOU in jail.
Even though you and I only met briefly in the hallway, I don’t know you but I’m sure you’re an awesome and talented young woman and even though I’m not a fan of yours, I am sure there are thousands of them out there, and I’m sure that they would just as soon you get this all behind you and let you go back to what you do best—so my last piece of advice is simple “just shut-up and sing.
Sincerely,
Rusty Fleming
