The oldest trick in the book.  The old ‘getting your boo to break up with you so you don’t have to do the dirty work’ scheme.  Some people take the long and drawn out route while others simply employ these key strategies for a full proof break-up.  Read on for instructions…

@jazzyvadney

Break-ups are ALWAYS difficult.  While both people in a relationship can recognize its time to move on, one person has to have the balls to initiate.  But sometimes NO ONE wants to be the first to say goodbye.  Not to quote old love songs but it really speaks the truth.  For those of you who are too chicken to take the break-up blame, take your pic of one of these options. 

Option #1.  Relocating-Tell your soon-to-be ex that you’re planning on moving for school or job related purposes.  Make sure to stress that your education and career are important to you and that nothing will stand in the way of accomplishing your goals.  Now this will be a tough pill for anyone to swallow.  A dedicated lover might try to do the long distance thing.  Tell them that long distance will not work and suggest they come with you.  The answer in most situations will be NO.  Who’s gonna drop what they’re doing to chase someone else’s dream?  Now that that’s taken care of, be very careful!  Don’t be caught frequenting the same places as your ex for obvious reasons. 

Option #2.  Talk About Other People-But not just any other people.  Talk about people you’ve dated and their attributes.  Be sure to highlight qualities that your current lover does not posses. If that doesn’t work, begin to talk about one specific person.  This is a slow and grueling process and it’s also VERY MEAN!  If you want to remain friends with them, I suggest choosing another route. 

Option #3.  Slack-Off on Holidays and Special Occasions-This means miss a BIRTHDAY, plant a lump of coal in their stocking on Christmas and flat out disappear in Valentine’s Day.  These are ultimate no-nos in any relationship.  Most people look to their lovers for special attention and a showering of gifts on these specific holidays.  Miss out on these and the message conveyed is #IDGAF.  Get my drift?  You’re getting DUMPED!

Option #4.  Beef With Relatives-In most cases, when their family doesn’t like you, it’s a done deal.  With that being said, secure your spot as the family enemy by showing up drunk to family functions, flirt with a cousin or even fabricate a bout with cocaine addiction to get them to despise you.  You get the point.  Whichever way choose to do this is up to you. 

Option #5.  Criticize Their Love-Making Skills-This one is down right awful and cruel.  Yes, I know this.  But I am simply racking my brain for some things that would make me hit the road.  No one wants to hear about how terrible and clumsy they are in bed.  That would be an absolutely mortifying experience and no one is going to voluntarily subject themselves to that type of scrutiny.  Close up shop and put the nail in the coffin with this one. 

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I would hope that you all have some type of backbone as it relates to life’s decisions.  There’s always the option of being the bigger person and exiting with dignity but all you spineless scoundrels out there can refer to this list.